Love is Difficult to Understand, Isn’t It – Misuno Saki
On the other side of the screen, many listeners were waiting for me.
In the dark room, the computer screen glowed like a gate to another world. The software that I usually used for streaming was displayed on the screen. In the software, you could see a list of scenes, a list of sources, the audio mixer, and an image of the stream.
Currently──there was one minute remaining before the start of the stream.
In a corner of the screen, the remaining time counted down one second at a time.
“Phew… I finished…”
After finishing my preparations, I let out a short breath.
Then, while looking at the display in front of me, I continued speaking.
“There are… two hundred people in the lobby. So this is the final count, huh…
… That’s right, this would be the finale. This would be the last time I prepared for the stream like this, and the last time I anxiously waited for the time to count down.
I would never experience this tension again.
… It was about time to start the routine I performed every time before streaming.
While pointing at the pieces of equipment in front of me, I double checked everything out loud.
“The mic is ready, the headphones are ready, the app is ready, and the tea is ready. Ahem… my throat is also ready.”
… Okay, my preparations were complete.
When I checked the time again, it was about time for the stream to begin.
“… Okay, let’s do it.”
After taking a deep breath, I grabbed the mouse. Then, I moved the mouse pointer to the button that would start the streaming software──and clicked.
The last stream of “Love Crosses the Night Sky” began──
* (Hasegawa Souichi)
“──Um, good evening. Can you hear my voice? Is the volume ok?”
As usual, it was after midnight.
Saki’s voice trickled through the earphones attached to my computer.
As usual, the comment section responded with: “The volume’s ok”, “No problems here”.
While I was looking through the comments, it felt like my heart was going to leap outside my chest.
I was sitting in front of the computer at my desk. My hands were… clammy with sweat.
Today… I was going to carry out a rather bold plan to convey my feelings to Misuno.
I was sure that… tonight would be my only chance.
Failure was definitely not an option…!
“There are no problems… I see. If you notice any issues with the audio, then please let me know. Now then, love is difficult to understand, isn’t it. Good evening, Saki here. Today, I’d like to stream like I normally do, but… well…”
After saying that──Saki faltered for a bit,
“Um… This time, I’d like all of you to listen to what I have to say.”
Saki spoke in a voice that was trembling furiously.
Immediately, the comment section was filled with concern.
“What’s wrong?”
“Did something happen with Senpai?”
“We’ll hear you out.”
“You ok?”
In response, Saki started to explain in a flustered manner.
“──Ahh, sorry for making all of you worry… Um, you see… I’ve decided to create some distance between myself and Senpai. Yes, the guy I was talking about earlier, the one I had a crush on. I’ll also be changing the day I work on the library committee.”
That’s right, that’s what happened.
At this rate, the two of us would end up separating.
Without anything connecting us, we’d become nothing more than just a junior and senior, and end up slowly drifting apart.
“That’s why, I think this is the end of my crush. Sorry for springing this on all of you so suddenly…”
After hearing those words, the comment section started to panic,
“Huh!? Why?”
“I thought the two of you were getting along lately.”
“I was sure the two of you would end up going out.”
“Do you have some kind of reason?”
“… Hm… a reason, huh…”
Saki thought about it briefly.
Then, she let out a small, self-deprecating laugh,
“You know… I think I was getting ahead of myself and reading too much into things. You know how I had been having a lot of fun recently right? I was getting closer to Senpai, and we even hung out together on our day off. I thought that I had become… special to him. There were some things I wanted to complain about, but that was just because I had high expectations…”
──That was also something I had clearly noticed. I had noticed that Misuno had expectations of me, and was trying to get closer to me.
And although I may have been confused on how to react, by no means was I averse to it.
And yet──,
“But, you know, it seemed like Senpai didn’t care either way. It didn’t seem like he thought of me as being that special after all. When I found that out, I couldn’t help but feel shocked.”
──Just like that, a misunderstanding was born.
It was just like Nico said. I never properly told Misuno how I felt.
… And because I failed to tell her, because I was too scared to do so, a problem like this arose.
And, because those feelings built up within Misuno,
“Hahaha… I’m sure that from his perspective, I seemed like a nuisance.”
Saki’s voice gradually lost its strength.
“I read too much into things and kept pestering him. It was probably all just my misunderstanding… I mentioned this earlier right? Because I was too scared to interact with people, I ended up starting this radio stream. I wanted to practice interacting with people, even if it was through a thin barrier. And after doing this every week, I started to change. Recently, I started wanting to leave my shell. I started wanting to touch Senpai…”
And then, after a pause lasting longer than a breath,
“… I think that was a mistake.”
──That’s not true!
Those words almost burst out of my mouth.
There was no way it was a mistake for Misuno to wish for that!
The other viewers seemed to hold the same opinion.
“Please don’t say things like that.”
“It wasn’t a mistake!”
“You haven’t actually told him yet, right?”
“You still don’t know that’s actually the case!”
However, Misuno wouldn’t stop.
“As I thought, I don’t have the right to interact with anyone else. It would have been better for me to remain in my shell for the rest of my life.”
And then──she said something that I had loosely anticipated.
“That’s why, I’m sorry. I’m planning to end this radio stream today.”
Distress quickly filled the comment section.
“Seriously?”
“You’re joking, right?”
“I’d like it to continue…”
“I feel like crying.”
“… I didn’t expect everyone to say so much.”
Misuno said with a wry smile. It seemed like she wasn’t expecting this.
However, as if her mind hadn’t changed──
“… But, well. I no longer have a reason to continue doing it. As I thought, maybe it’d be better off to shut myself away from the world. This will be the end.”
After saying that… Perhaps it was because she finally got it off her chest, but her voice started to sound a little brighter.
She coughed once, as if she were trying to change the subject, and then said,
“That’s why, today, I’d like to reflect on a lot of things. Like the topics we’ve talked about so far, and the advice that I’ve given──.”
──It was about time for me to make my move.
After taking a deep breath, I picked up my smartphone.
I felt like I was going to drop it because of how sweaty my hands were, but I wiped my palms on my pants and readjusted my grip.
Then, I swallowed, as if trying to wash away my anxiety with the saliva in my mouth.
Now… there was no going back.
Then, I started up LINE.
After selecting Misuno as the target──I pressed the call button.
──At the same time,
“──Wha…! Sorry, give me a sec…”
On the other side of the stream, I could hear the sound of a smartphone vibrating, and the sound of her picking up the phone in a hurry.
“Huh… why…”
She was briefly at a loss for words.
… Well of course that’d be the case. After all, the call was from the same person she’d been talking about on the stream──me.
However, the fact that she was in the middle of a stream hadn’t changed.
“Um, sorry about that. It wasn’t anything important… I just got a phone call out of the blue.”
Misuno only explained the bare minimum.
However──the commenters were very perceptive.
“Who was it from?”
“Don’t tell me it was from Senpai?”
“Seriously? Was it actually him?”
“… Yeah, it was from Senpai.”
Perhaps deciding that she wouldn’t be able to hide it, Misuno admitted it easily.
In response, the commenters started getting pumped up,
“Answer it!”
“It’s probably something important.”
“Don’t worry about the stream, just answer it!”
“If you don’t hurry, the call will get dropped.”
“No, I’m not going to pick it up. I’m in the middle of a stream, and there’s nothing I have to say to him at this point… I’m not acting tough. It’s better for both of us this way…”
Right, of course she’d think that way.
There was no way you could answer a call from someone you’d distanced yourself from in the middle of a livestream.
That’s why… I had one more trick up my sleeve.
While leaving the phone on, I headed towards my computer.
I opened my email, and an already drafted message containing an attachment popped up.
While double checking the email address and body, I once again steeled myself.
The sender was an email address containing my real name. The recipient was koiwata@fmail.com.
As for the email body… no issues there.
Even though my hands were shaking… and I felt so scared I wanted to scream… Doing this would surely let me communicate my feelings to Misuno and convince her.
While biting my lip, I clicked the mouse button.
A popup message showed the email was being sent──and then it suddenly changed to “The email was successfully sent”.
──After a short pause, on the other side of the stream, I could hear the sound of an email notification.
“I-it’s an email! From Senpai…”
Reflexively, Misuno shouted out loud.
“What’s more… he sent it to the email I use for this radio! Wait, is he listening right now!? As I thought, Senpai knew about this radio… Ugh, what should I do. Ugh… I-I understand. I’ll read it real quick… Huh, what? There’s a file attached… Um… It says that he’d like to speak with me. He wants me to pick up the phone and talk with him on the stream… Uhhh… What should I do, asking me to do that, all of a sudden… Arghh, it’s making my head spin…”
──It’s Hasegawa. I have something I’d like to talk about with you no matter what.
I’m sorry to ask this all of a sudden, but could you pick up the call? If possible, I’d like to talk to you while the stream is still running.
The email that I sent──those were its contents.
──I was aware that I was doing something reckless, asking for something so selfish during the stream. What’s more, I even asked for our conversation to be broadcast on stream like that.
However──I didn’t think I had any other options.
It was possible that I’d be flamed for such selfish behavior. If anything, it would be natural for that to happen.
However…
“Go talk to him!”
“Pick up the phone.”
“We’re here for you.”
The only comments I could see were ones pushing Misuno forward. For some reason, I felt the back of my eyes beginning to grow hot.
… I see, half a year had passed since she started streaming. So this was the kind of relationship Misuno had built up with her listeners…
“… Would it be better if I spoke with him? Right now, on stream? With Senpai?”
Misuno’s voice seemed to be wavering quite a bit.
“I’m sure he has something important to say to you.”
“If you’re scared you can end the stream.”
“Just don’t leave any regrets.”
Comments trying to reassure her kept pouring in.
“… Er… Ummm… Hmm…”
For a short while, Misuno was at a loss for words.
Then, after taking a deep breath──
“… I understand. I’ll talk to him.”
──She clearly declared that.
“I don’t know what will happen, but… I’ll talk to him. Please wait for a bit while I pick up the call…”
My heart skipped a beat.
Now, Misuno had made up her mind.
Next──it was my turn.
The call connected with a ping──
“… It’s connected… Um, hello…”
I could hear a voice like that coming through the smartphone. It sounded far more vivid and clear than when I heard it through the stream──
It finally hit me that the conversation between the two of us had begun.
Since the audio from the computer was delayed, I muted it to avoid an echo. From here on out, I’d be communicating with her over the phone.
“… Hello.”
“… Yes?”
“Um… It’s me, sorry for calling so suddenly…”
“… What-what do you want…”
Misuno spoke in a suspicious and frightened voice.
… Of course she’d feel like that. I made her answer a call like this in the middle of a livestream after all.
On top of that, I sent her such a serious sounding email.
“Um, there’s a lot I’d like to talk to you about, but…”
And then──I told her something that I needed to say first.
“First of all, I’m sorry for hiding the fact that I was listening to your streams. I discovered them a short while ago… and I couldn’t bring it up. I’m really sorry about that!”
That’s right, I had to apologize for that first. For not saying anything even after discovering her streams, and for continuing to secretly listen to her streams after that.
“… Well, I did vaguely suspect that might have been the case. Although I did also consider the possibility of me being wrong about that.”
Misuno responded with a firm voice as usual.
“However… As expected it was a bit of a shock, being told that so bluntly. Although, I also talked about you a lot without permission, so I don’t really have grounds to complain…”
“Even if that was the case, it still wasn’t good of me to eavesdrop on you. Also, sorry for interrupting the stream like this. And to the people listening in as well, sorry for barging in on my own…”
“… About that, let me check. As far as I can tell from the comments… they’re not angry about it. Although they do think you were a little forceful…”
I couldn’t really make any excuses for that.
To call her in the middle of the stream, and then want to talk over the phone on stream… That was already very selfish of me. The only thing I could do was apologize. I was seriously sorry…
However──
“Even so──it was now or never.”
In spite of that, I still chose to do it.
“If I didn’t do this, I wouldn’t be able to get my feelings across…”
“Your feelings, huh…”
Misuno responded with a doubtful voice.
… That’s right. Because I behaved like this, I made Misuno anxious. I drove her into a corner and made her feel miserable.
That’s why,
“──I have a favor to ask.”
All I could do from here on was ask.
“I’d like you to… return to the Wednesday shift again. I want to work with you as library committee members again.”
“… That’s impossible.”
Misuno immediately replied.
“You were listening to the stream right? It was a mistake for me to try and get involved with other people. From now on, it’d be better for me to remain in my shell…”
“I don’t think that’s true at all. It’s absolutely not the case that you’d be better off shutting yourself away. After all… I had fun. I was happy being together with you. The time we spent together was truly precious…”
That’s right. First of all, I needed to tell her that. I needed to tell her I wanted to stay by her side, and that I was happy being with her.
I should have said so directly, without hesitation or embarrassment.
It was because I couldn’t do that──
“… You’re lying.”
──that Misuno couldn’t believe me even now.
“You can say whatever you want. In the end, you’re just doing this because Sensei told you to patch things up with me, aren’t you?”
“…I knew it. It’s not very convincing, right. Certainly, it doesn’t really take anything to just say those words.”
I thought it was obvious that this would happen.
There was no way she’d believe she was important to me if I never told her until things became like this. She wouldn’t think I was being sincere.
“That’s why…”
That’s right──I had already prepared something for this situation. Although the preparations for it were a little rushed, it was something important that I had poured my heart into.
“I’m going to let you in on a little secret, Misuno. I’m not going to hide this any longer… I’m going to show you that I’m willing to take a step forward.”
“… What are you talking about?”
“There was a music file attached to the email right?”
“Yes, I did see something like that…”
And then──I swallowed down the tension I felt rising up within me,
“That… is a song my sister and I created together.”
I explained to Misuno.
“The truth is, the two of us have already written many songs together…”
“I… see. I didn’t know about that at all.”
“Well of course you wouldn’t know. I was keeping it a secret after all.”
To be honest, I had never told anyone else. Personally, I think I was quite careful about that.
I had never shown any signs of being able to play the guitar at school, and I had never initiated a conversation about music myself. Even among my friends in class, there probably weren’t very many people that were aware I liked music.
But behind the scenes, I actually put in an unusual amount of effort into desktop music and music production for a high schooler.
To be honest, I didn’t think I’d lose to any of the light music clubs1 out there, and I had also been working part time here and there to buy the equipment I needed.
The end result was──
“Remember that time I didn’t want you coming to my house? That was because I didn’t want you to see my music equipment…”
My room ended up becoming like a home recording studio. If I wanted to make it look more like a normal room, I’d have to hide the MIDI keyboard2, audio interface, monitor, and computer, as well as disconnect the wiring to the guitar and bass.
That would be a herculean effort on the same scale as moving, and it wouldn’t be realistic to finish it in a few days.
──But even though I was that passionate about it, even though I had that much fun playing music, I still kept it hidden.
“… I… was scared. I loved music, and I had confidence in the songs I wrote. My sister also kept praising me, saying that I should hurry up and upload them online, and that they would be well-received. However, I was afraid of letting someone else listen to my music. Having other people review the songs that were precious to me…”
“I see…”
Even now, Misuno’s voice sounded as if she had yet to process everything.
“However──now, I’d like you to listen to it. The song I sent you was about the time that we spent together. I want you to listen to it. I want you to know how I felt about that time together.”
Right──that was all I wanted.
I wanted Misuno to listen to my song. For that reason alone, I ended up calling her like this.
“I… see.”
Misuno’s voice spilled out.
Then, she took a deep breath,
“… I understand. For now, I’ll give it a listen. It’s fine if I play it here and now, on stream, right? There are three hundred people watching the stream right now though.”
──She had a point.
Before I realized, the number of people watching the stream had reached three hundred.
When I called her, there were only around two hundred viewers, so the growth since then had been enormous.
Three hundred, huh.
Imagining that many people made my head spin. It was on the same scale as the capacity of a live music club.
It was more than enough for a new musician presenting their song.
──Once again, I felt afraid.
If that many people listened to my song, I wonder what their impressions would be.
Would they make fun of me, or would they laugh at me? Would they point out the parts that they thought weren’t well made?
Even so──
“Ahh, go ahead.”
I wanted to move forward.
There was something I wanted to tell Misuno──and I wanted her to see that side of me.
“… I understand. Then, I’ll play it.”
──On the other side of the call, I could sense signs of Misuno operating the PC.
Then,
“This is the song written by Senpai and his little sister. Its title is… ‘Sigh’.”
After Misuno announced the title of the song Nico and I wrote, it began broadcasting from Misuno’s room to the rest of the world.
Lyric translation (Stylized)
Song on Youtube
[1] A little past 12 PM
My internal clock gently reminds me
It’s kinda embarrassing, you know
So hurry up and wake from sleep
[2]
Today is a little bit special
A new shirt’s what I’m gonna bring
But it’s not like I want you to
Notice it or anything
[3]
The sun starts making a fuss
Painting everything in white
The second hand cheers us on
Sigh
[4]
Drifting and floating away
Letting the wind carry me
I wish I could fly in this sky
Like a bird for eternity
[5]
Nodding off to earth’s gravity
A pleasant feeling against your skin
The more satisfied that you are
The less you’ll want to move again
The song intro was the guitar phrase I really liked──the one I came up with the day I discovered Misuno’s stream.
The round, distorted tone created a guitar riff with a somewhat warm feeling.
And then──Nico’s voice started playing over it.
Even though she was my sister, I thought Nico had a charming voice.
Nico sang in a charming, high-pitched tone that floated like a jellyfish. Although her voice carried a dreamy, yet slightly husky feel, that did not compromise its persuasive power.
Riding along with her melody were the lyrics inspired by the days I spent with Misuno. Inside those lyrics, I described what I felt during those days, both physically and emotionally.
In order to give those feelings shape and help Misuno understand them, I wrote this song.
As I savored the melody, the song entered its chorus.
Nico’s comforting voice described the feeling of happiness and warmth I felt by Misuno’s side. The gentle melody was supported by an accompaniment that incorporated a lot of my musical background.
All of this was topped off by a deep, resonant bass, and a smooth rhythm that neatly tied everything together.
The song, which sounded heavy on its own, had great breadth when combined with Nico’s voice.
──That’s right, these were my feelings.
While listening to the song and experiencing its release into the world, I once again thought that.
Enough of my feelings were contained in there, with neither too much nor too little. My emotions were included exactly as they were.
That’s why──everything depended on how Misuno would receive it.
It all depended on what she thought of the song, and how she felt about it──
Then, the outro for the song ended──and a brief moment of silence descended upon the stream.
After a few seconds, the silence was broken.
“Um… Senpai, you wrote this, right?”
Misuno asked in a somewhat bewildered voice.
“It wasn’t composed by some pro, but was actually written by you…?”
“Yeah, that’s right…”
And then, after letting out a deep breath, she said the following words──
“… Amazing.”
It was a voice full of emotion.
… I think it reached her.
The feelings inside me definitely reached Misuno.
“And… the song lyrics. They were from the day we went to the city library together…”
“Yeah, I tried using what happened that day as the theme for the lyrics… Ah shit, my hands are trembling like crazy. It really is scary sharing your music with others…”
Actually, it wasn’t just my hands. A cold shiver ran throughout my whole body.
I realized I had shared my precious song with the world.
My forehead was strangely hot with a mixture of elation, anxiety, and anticipation.
“No, this… is amazing.”
Misuno’s voice gradually began to rise.
“Why didn’t you share it with the world sooner? Even the viewers are surprised…”
“… I see, that’s great.”
Indeed, after being told that, I checked the comments, all of which had favorable opinions.
“It’s a seriously good song.”
“Are you really an amateur?”
“So a high schooler can create a song like this.”
Seeing rows of comments like that──I once again managed to calm down.
And then──
“… You know, I wish it was always like this.”
I started saying that to Misuno.
“… Why?”
“Coming out of my shell was definitely scary… Even now, I’m still really scared. I’m sure I’ll end up getting hurt many times in the future. This time, I happened to be praised… But that’s just luck. To be honest, I think failure is a lot more common.”
──For example, consider all of the music being uploaded to a video hosting website.
The quantity of uploads was enormous, but only a small fraction of them would receive acclaim. And not all of the unappreciated music was low in quality──there were some unbelievable masterpieces lying around with low play counts. I had seen that kind of thing happen many times.
And not having your music appreciated wasn’t even the worst-case scenario.
Sometimes──people would even criticize your music.
Regardless of whether the song was good or bad, that danger was always there.
It was probably pretty rare for things to work out well.
In spite of that──
“But… because you were there, Misuno, I managed to take the first step forward.”
I said to Misuno.
“Even if we get hurt, even if we fail… If we both come out of our shells, I’m sure the two of us will be able to help each other out.”
It was all thanks to Misuno that I was able to move forward like this today.
It was because of her that I was able to create this song and share it with the world──
“That’s why… I’d like to talk with you one more time. I’d like to wait for you at the shoe racks again someday… So please give me one more chance.”
“… I see.”
The silence lasted about two breaths. Then, it was broken by the faint sound of someone breathing in,
“… Very well. I’ll speak with you.”
Misuno said.
“I’ll talk with you one more time tomorrow. We can discuss the future then…”
“… Thank you.”
… I was glad that she said that, and that the song managed to reach her and change her mind.
However──now I needed to figure out what I should do from now on.
What would I talk about with her tomorrow? What would I tell her and do?
“No… thank you very much. The song was great too. And…”
Misuno cleared her throat once,
“Sorry to all of the viewers right now for making you listen through our personal conversation. Now that we’ve come this far, I plan on properly reporting what happens next. I’ll talk to Senpai and let you all know how it goes. See you next week…”
──Then, tonight’s stream came to an end.
I removed my headphones and lay down on the bed. I then had a short conversation with Misuno about where we’d meet up tomorrow over LINE.
… Usually, after the stream, I slept like a rock and felt great the next morning. But tonight, I was strangely restless and had difficulty calming myself down.
“… I’m having a hard time falling asleep, huh.”
With a sigh, I let those words slip.
*
“… Yo.”
“Sorry for making you wait…”
──It felt like Misuno was being strangely distant.
It was the day after “Sigh” had been released. School had just ended.
As planned, we met up at the entrance to the school building.
Misuno was unusually late to the meeting place. Perhaps she had hesitated for a long time before coming here.
“Nah, don’t worry about it. Thanks for coming…”
“I see… Then, let’s go.”
While saying this to each other, we walked out of the school building side by side.
While heading towards the front gate, I snuck a glance at the girl walking next to me.
She had a petite body that showed no signs of being different from normal. She had short, glossy, black hair, and eyes that were hesitantly looking down at the ground at the ground. She had white cheeks and thin lips that were tightly pursed together.
──Somehow, it seemed that she had become someone special to me.
Until now, I had seen Misuno every week as if it were a matter of course. I had grown accustomed to her being a part of my daily life.
Still, that wasn’t the only thing filling my heart with joy right now.
The way she carried herself, her light but somewhat hesitant gait, the way she wore her uniform, somehow all of that had become something important to me, for which there was no replacement.
That was exactly why──
“… So, um. I had something to say to you.”
I started by saying that to her.
“First of all, I want to apologize──”
“──Senpai.”
Misuno lifted her head.
We were in a residential area outside the school gate.
She stopped walking and turned directly to face me.
“… Hm?”
I stopped in my tracks.
While staring directly at me, she said,
“… Is it ok if I say something as well?”
She asked me that question.
“I want to break out of my shell out of my own free will. Is it ok if I say my piece first?”
“… Go ahead.”
To be honest, I wanted to be the one to tell her first. I wanted to apologize to her, thank her, and tell her how I felt… But I didn’t want to ignore how Misuno felt.
That’s why, I decided to hear her out first.
Misuno dropped her gaze. Then, as if she had made up her mind, she lifted her head again,
“… I like you, Senpai.”
She clearly told me.
“… Yeah.”
“I’ve liked you since a while after we first met. A lot happened recently, but, as I thought, I still like you.”
“… I see.”
Misuno bit her lip and tears welled up in her eyes.
Her cheeks were dyed pink and her hands were clenched tightly.
──A strong feeling washed over me.
I wanted to treasure this person.
I still didn’t quite understand my own feelings, but the fact that Misuno was important to me, was special to me, had not changed.
That’s why──from the bottom of my heart, I wanted to stay by her side.
While those emotions ran through my mind, Misuno resumed walking in front of me.
I also resumed walking, while waiting for Misuno to continue.
Surely, that wasn’t all she wanted to say. There was probably… a lot more that she wanted to talk about.
For example, maybe she wanted to ask me how I felt about her, or… maybe she wanted to be my girlfriend, or something like that.
However… as far as I could tell, Misuno had a content expression on her face. She looked like she thought the conversation was already over.
“… Huh, is that all?”
“Yes, that’s all.”
When I asked her that, Misuno nodded affirmatively.
It was so outside my expectations──
“Um… Isn’t there anything else?”
──that without thinking, I ended up saying something an overly self-conscious guy would say.
“Like, you want to be my girlfriend, or you want to hear my answer…”
“Nope. If I had to say, I’d like you to just continue listening to my stream from now on.”
Misuno casually replied without skipping a beat.
This… was a little different from the “confessions” I knew about.
If that was all she wanted, then I didn’t really understand Misuno’s intentions…
“… Why?”
Completely stumped, I asked her that question.
Without even poking fun at my bewilderment, Misuno replied,
“… You’d definitely say yes, right?”
She said, with a gentle laugh.
“If I asked you out, you’d definitely agree to it. The two of us would become boyfriend and girlfriend. After all, you’re a kind person, Senpai…”
… It’s possible that would have ended up happening.
If she told me that she wanted to go out with me, I’d probably be fine with that.
“… But, right now you only view me as being ‘special and important’. You have some interest in me, but you can’t say for sure if that feeling’s love or not.”
“… That… may be the case.”
“That’s why…”
While saying that, Misuno stopped in her tracks.
Then, in a somewhat beautiful and yet pained manner, she continued.
“Let’s keep things the way they are. But still, Senpai… someday, I’ll make you say ‘I love you’. I’ll make you say ‘I want to go out with you’. Until then… Let’s maintain our current relationship.”
“Hahaha, ahahahahaha.”
Without meaning to, I started laughing.
I was surprised, and for a moment, I couldn’t quite understand… but Misuno would always be Misuno, huh.
She may be cold and difficult, but she always stuck to her own beliefs.
I cherished that side of her and hoped that she’d always remain like that.
“… I see. Yeah, I get it. You’re right, let’s do that. Keeping things the way they are, huh… That sounds like something you’d say, Misuno.”
“Yes. If we went out like this, for some reason it’d be a little frustrating. It’d feel like I lost or something…”
“It’s not about winning or losing though… But I do understand how you feel.”
For some reason, I was also concerned with winning or losing for a while…
All in all, maybe this was one of the reasons Misuno and I got along in the first place.
While I was laughing and feeling completely relaxed like that,
“I just want you to remember this one thing.”
Misuno said, while dropping her gaze to the floor.
“Even now, I’m still trying to act tough. I’m still desperately trying to hold myself back while saying this… so I’d appreciate it if you fell in love with me sooner rather than later.”
“… Got it.”
──While giving a brief reply, I could clearly feel something changing within me.
Inside my feelings towards Misuno, inside the sense of intimacy I felt with her, I could sense a hint of something bittersweet being mixed in.
“… Still, to think things would end up like this.”
… Without meaning to, I looked up at the sky and spoke aloud.
It was almost dusk, and the sky was a vivid orange.
That day, Misuno’s feelings must have crossed that sky and reached me.
“To think that I would have this kind of relationship with you, huh…”
“Exactly what I wanted to say.”
Next to me, Misuno was also looking up at the sky.
And then──she mumbled a phrase that had long become familiar to me.
“… Seriously, love is difficult to understand, isn’t it.”
Translator Notes
1. Japanese term is 軽音部. The reading for this is kei on bu. Hence the name of the anime/manga series K-On!
2. MIDI keyboards tend to not have built in speakers like normal electronic speakers. They record which keys you press, their duration, and their intensity, which external software then interprets to produce noise.
Wholesome Fluff Translations 
Leave a comment